Love, Money and the Prenup Conversation Most Couples Avoid
Many couples happily spend hours planning.
The wedding.
The honeymoon.
The venue.
The flowers.
The guest list.
But there’s one conversation that often gets pushed aside because it feels uncomfortable, unromantic, or somehow inappropriate.
Money.
And yet, money is one of the most important ingredients in a long-term partnership.
In the video below, I answer a question from a Wealth Builder Club member who recently became engaged and is trying to decide whether an antenuptial contract with accrual or without accrual would be the right choice for her relationship.
👉 Watch the full video here
As we explored the question together, I helped her see that this is more than a legal question.
It’s a relationship question.
A values question.
A communication question.
And ultimately, a question about what you are building together.
Having the conversation isn't planning for failure
One of the biggest myths around prenuptial agreements is that discussing them means you're expecting the marriage to fail.
I don't believe that for a second.
The same way writing a will doesn't mean you're planning to die tomorrow.
The same way having insurance doesn't mean you're expecting disaster.
Having these conversations is simply part of living an empowered life.
It's recognising a simple truth:
Life is unpredictable.
We have hopes.
We have dreams.
We have intentions.
But we don't know exactly what life will bring.
And because we don't know, it makes sense to have thoughtful conversations about how we want to handle life's possibilities before they arrive.
Marriage is more than romance
What I find fascinating is how often couples will discuss where they want to travel, where they want to live, whether they want children, what kind of home they want...
But they won't discuss money and its role in creating the life they want - together.
Money IS one of the most important elements we have to create the lives we want.
Money weaves through every major decision you'll make together.
How you'll spend.
How you'll save.
How you'll invest.
How you'll handle debt.
How you'll build wealth.
How you'll create freedom.
What you actually want from your life together, what you want to feel and experience, what freedom means to you both and how you will use the money you have - jointly - to create that.
Those conversations aren't unromantic.
They're foundational.
Understanding antenuptial contracts: what are your options?
Before deciding what is right for you, it's important to understand the basics.
In South Africa and other countries, if you get married without putting any specific legal agreement in place, you are automatically married in-community of property.
This means that all assets and liabilities are treated as one joint estate. If one partner takes on debt, both partners may be liable. If one partner faces financial difficulties, the consequences can affect both people.
From a wealth building, asset management, estate planning and risk perspective, I generally don't believe this is the best option.
This is why I strongly recommend having some form of prenuptial (antenuptial - ANC) agreement in place.
The two most common options are:
ANC with accrual
This allows each person to keep ownership of the assets they bring into the marriage.
However, any wealth created during the marriage is considered part of the joint wealth-building journey.
If the marriage ends through death or divorce, the growth in each person's estate is compared and shared according to the accrual calculation.
In simple terms:
- What you bring into the marriage remains yours.
- What you build together is recognised as a shared achievement.
ANC without accrual
This keeps everything completely separate.
Your assets remain yours.
Your partner's assets remain theirs.
Any growth that occurs during the marriage belongs entirely to the individual in whose name those assets sit.
This can be useful in specific circumstances, such as:
- Second marriages later in life
- Blended families
- Significant family assets that need protection
- Situations where one partner carries substantial financial risk
But it can sometimes create challenges where one partner contributes significantly to the household or family without accumulating assets in their own name.
So which option do I generally prefer?
Based on Hannah's situation, and honestly for many couples starting their lives together, I believe an ANC with accrual is often the most balanced approach.
It protects what each person brings into the relationship while still recognising that building a life together usually involves different forms of contribution.
One person may invest more directly.
Another may contribute through household expenses, raising children, supporting a business, or creating stability.
Accrual acknowledges that wealth-building is often a team sport.
Money should never equal power
One of the most important principles I believe in is this:
Money should not equal power in a relationship.
The person earning the most income should not automatically have the loudest voice.
Nor should the person contributing financially feel more important than the person contributing in other ways.
Because wealth creation is about far more than income.
One partner may be earning more.
The other may be providing stability.
One may be building a business.
The other may be supporting that business.
One may be investing.
The other may be managing the household, caring for children, or creating the environment that makes wealth-building possible.
All of those contributions matter.
And not all of them show up neatly on a bank statement.
Income contribution and wealth contribution are not the same thing
This is where many couples get stuck.
We live in a world that tends to worship income.
The assumption is that whoever earns more contributes more.
But wealth doesn't work that way.
Income is only one tiny part of the wealth equation.
Wealth is created through countless decisions:
- Spending choices
- Saving habits
- Investing behaviour
- Risk management
- Long-term planning
- Emotional stability
- Shared goals
The person earning the income is only one part of the story.
The person helping direct that money wisely is also contributing to wealth creation.
And that distinction matters enormously when you're building a life together.
Before discussing contracts, discuss your vision
What struck me most about this question was not the contract itself.
It was the deeper opportunity beneath it.
An opportunity to ask:
What are we actually building together?
Do we share a vision for financial freedom?
What role does money play in our lives?
What are our hopes?
What are our fears?
How do we want to manage our money?
How do we feel about debt?
How do we make financial decisions?
Because the contract should support the vision.
Not replace it.
The legal structure is important.
But the relationship itself is far more important.
Debt deserves a conversation too
If there is one topic I wish more couples discussed before marriage, it's debt.
Not just how much debt exists.
But attitudes towards debt.
Beliefs about debt.
Boundaries around debt.
Because hidden debt, unmanaged debt, or fundamentally different views about debt can create enormous strain in a relationship.
The goal isn't judgment.
It's clarity.
You deserve to know what you're building together.
And your partner deserves the same honesty from you.
One of the things I shared during the Q&A was that sometimes we assume a partner will change their money habits over time.
Perhaps they'll become more responsible.
Perhaps they'll stop accumulating debt.
Perhaps they'll eventually start saving and investing.
But hope is not a financial strategy.
These are conversations worth having before you legally tie your financial lives together.
If debt is something you're currently working through, this is exactly why we created ZARA, the Zero-Debt Activator and Repayment Assistant.
ZARA helps you organise your debts, create a clear repayment plan, and build momentum towards becoming debt-free. Because debt doesn't just affect your finances, it affects your choices, your relationships, and your future freedom.
The more clarity you have around debt, the easier it becomes to have clean, honest conversations with a partner about money and your shared future.
Financial compatibility matters
Love matters.
Connection matters.
Shared values matter.
But financial compatibility matters too.
Not because money is the most important thing.
But because money affects so many of the decisions that shape a shared life.
The strongest couples aren't necessarily the ones who never disagree about money.
They're the ones who can talk about it openly.
Without shame.
Without secrecy.
Without fear.
Because ultimately, you're not just building a relationship.
You're building a future.
And futures are built through conversations.
A conversation we often have inside the Wealth Builder Club
This is one of the reasons I love our Wealth Builder Club Q&A sessions.
Members bring real-life questions, not just about investing and financial freedom, but about relationships, family, estate planning, boundaries, debt, and all the wonderfully messy realities of being human.
Because building wealth isn't simply about growing assets.
It's about creating a life that supports your values, your relationships, and your vision for the future.
And often, the most powerful wealth-building conversations have very little to do with investment returns and everything to do with communication.
With love,
Ann x
P.S. If you're building wealth alongside a partner, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourselves is a shared understanding of money. Inside the Wealth Builders Club, we regularly unpack questions around investing, financial freedom, relationships, estate planning and creating a wealthy life by design. If you'd love support on your own wealth-building journey, we'd love to welcome you into the community.
